i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
