My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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