mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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