I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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