Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
