she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
