Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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