I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize