You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
