ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my being single is dangerous.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
