well you can't waste a boner
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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