i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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