it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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