yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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