i don't like sucking hair
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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