We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
