i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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