Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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