he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
