Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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