you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He better not be in your backpack
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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