The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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