I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
