I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
