So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
