And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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