I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
