i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
