my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
