The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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