I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
