The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
