my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
