Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize