You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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