It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
