He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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