i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
