I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cockslap morals
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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