Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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