I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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