So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
