Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
