help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
