I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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