saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
