Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
