you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
