i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
