I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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