Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i believe in u and ur pee
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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