2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
