she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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