oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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