you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
