He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
