I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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