Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
