In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
