you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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