its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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