And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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