Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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